OCD…control…

I woke this morning feeling like the Apostle Paul. Not really imprisoned, but confined to quarters. Do not mistake me, I am not comparing myself to him. His imprisonment was a great benefit to the church and he recognized that his confinement was the Lord’s doing. All the ‘stuff’ he went through was for God’s glory at every turn. Not the most fun.

2 Corinthians 11:24 Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. 25 Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked. I spent a night and a day in the open sea. 26 In my frequent journeys, I have been in danger from rivers and from bandits, in danger from my countrymen and from the Gentiles, in danger in the city and in the country, in danger on the sea and among false brothers…

For 3 years our circle of circulation has become smaller and smaller. We have become more dependent on the grace, mercy and kindness of others. For someone who has been ‘in charge’ for most of their life, it is a humbling and challenging turn of events. Not unlike Paul’s situation though, we have friends visit and support us in every way. I don’t think we’ve had a ‘Demas’. (2 Timothy 4:10)

I am grateful and rejoice to be awakened in the night and be able to pray for friends and family around the world. If life were as it was before, I would need every moment of my sleep. In the quiet of this confinement, there is peace and an ability to hear, that wasn’t an option when I was in control, never missing a step, constant in motion and purpose. Now the purpose has changed. No longer in control, we do as we must and leave this life in God’s purpose and providence. We are blessed beyond measure because of His great love and having letting go of the control to Jesus has been a real eye-opener. We can relax, still doing as we must daily, but at peace and joyful in His presence and each others.

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